Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Words that break a mother's heart

This morning Addie said "Mommy, why is Etta pretty and I am not?"

Gasp!

People tell Etta all the time how cute or pretty she is. She is cute. Addie was cute at that age too. I think it is a cute age for almost all kids. Plus I can dress her cute because she cares less about choosing her own clothes. Plus she has a sweet smile.

When people say how cute Etta is I often just smile and say thanks (then roll my eyes because I hear that so often). But maybe I should be more proactive to point out how great Addie is as a big sister or something. Not that I want compliments to only be on physical appearance or positive actions (versus a loving, kind heart). And not that I want a subconscious "she is the pretty sister, I am the smart one" or something to start.

For sure I need to be very careful that I call them things like "pretty girl" equally. And also I need to be sure to reinforce to Addie all the wonderful things about how God made her, including her good looks. I would kill to be tall & skinny like she is, but telling her that is not going to reinforce positive body image.

I truly can't believe that a comment like that came so early and I shudder to think that I played any part in it.
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 21, 2011 at 11:36 AM

    Oh my gosh - this post breaks my heart! I think babies and smaller kids naturally get more comments on cute they are than older kids do, and it sounds like Addie is picking up on that. Someone recently sent me a very interesting article on talking to girls. So often we feel the need to comment on girls' appearance instead of asking them what their favorite book is. I'm going to try to find the article to send it to you. Anyway, ADDIE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and we LOVE YOU!!!
    - Becka

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  2. Kari WetzlerSeptember 21, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    Oh gosh. This breaks my heart, too. This is a constant worry of mine with the twins. It's bound to come up that one is the "cuter" one or the "smarter one" or what not - even if it's not necessarily true.
    I read the article that Becka mentioned above (it kind of floated around Facebook). It's a good one! Definitely worth reading.
    Kari

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